chrisgreen.co.uk

Yes, I know its only Monday, but that doesn’t mean I can’t resurrect my favourite list-based rant format. Christ knows I need something to get me motivated today:

1. That study is not going to tidy itself.
2. 90 per cent of the world is populated by very nice people
3. 5 per cent are idiots
4. 3 per cent voted for Bush – they need to be shot first come the revolution
5. 1.5 per cent bought Betamax – need I say more
6. The remaining 0.5 per cent are rude/prickly/overly aggressive/piss people off/don’t appreciate the situation (delete as appropriate). I haven’t decided what to do with these ones yet – might sell them on eBay.
7. eBay rocks!
8. I didn’t want a walnut-effect steering wheel, what I really wanted/needed was a new leather one.
9. I’m sure Euro 2008 was a feast of football, but it failed to do anything for me 
10. Not enough going on at Frightfest to justify a full festival pass this year, but I’ll be there for at least half the event.
11. Jeremy Clarkson actually said something useful…when was the last time you just went for a drive……It’s been too long.
12. Mmmmmmm…….cheese!
13. Lovefilm sucks! If it improves, I’ll stay, otherwise I’m off
14. Busy busy week this week.
15. I need a new phone. I want a Nokia E71, but given my network provider only seems to add new handsets a year after everyone else, and has a hatred of anything with a keyboard, I’m not holding my breath.
16. Finally did an iTunes movie rental on Saturday – the whole experience was surprisingly good.
17. Despite being a Tesco loyalist, I am thinking about defecting to Asda.
18. Not spending enough time blogging or Twittering. Need to sort both out.
19. Need to find a nice place to stay in Northern France for a long weekend, somewhere that’s big for food and drink would be a huge bonus.

Well, more a case of things I learned last week. I haven’t done one of these for a while, but it’s been an interesting few weeks, with a lot going on in the world of the UK’s most controversial IT journalist, good, bad and a bit quirky, so here goes:

1)    My Macbook is proving to be one of my best investments of the year.
2)    I need to spend less…..well, a bit less ☺
3)    I need to sort out my credit cards, no doubt the same problem most of the population is struggling with.
4)    Running a V6 can be bloody expensive, even when there’s nothing wrong with it!
5)    Why the hell are people getting interested in LinkedIn (again) all of a sudden. It hasn’t changed, its still uninspiring, and like most social networking apps, it doesn’t really offer anything useful – it’s just a way of emailing your contacts that’s even slower and more cumbersome than just sending them a group email.
6)    Wind turbines are cool!
7)    We need to bring back hanging for society’s most heinous crimes – murder, manslaughter, rape, child molestation, treason and fraud against the state.
8)    Too many people have absolutely no respect for the law and their fellow citizens, and I’m convinced that hanging a few of them (but ideally a lot of them) by their necks, even just as an example to others, will send out a powerful message to the rest of society to grow up and stop behaving like animals.
9)    It’s a police force, not a police service – law enforcement should be feared and respected, not considered to be a toothless, politically-correct joke like it is right now.
10)   Lastminute.com can come up with the goods when you least expect it.
11)    I hadn’t realised how much I needed a holiday until I was told my original holiday plans had been cancelled.
12)    easyCruise is alright!
13)    TV in August is always rubbish – why!
14)    The UK mobile phone market is starting to suffer really badly from the delay to the launch of the iPhone – all the mobile phone makers are holding back their good stuff until they see what they are up against, meaning that most of what’s on the market, with the exception of maybe Motorola, is looking old and uninspired.
15)    Unrelated, but the Motorola Q9H is easily the best Windows Mobile-based smartphone I’ve encountered.
16)    With the exception of the above, Windows Mobile-based anything usually means it’ll be crap!
17)    Cancelling my Virgin Media (aka Telewest) cable modem was something I should have done a long time ago.
18)    All Wi-Fi hardware is not created equal, even when it’s supposed to conform to the same standard!
19)    Looking forward to watching Postal and colleague-spotting.
20)    I need to write more features.
21)    Getting frustrated with the PVR in my bedroom – it’s good, but I really need one that can record two Freeview channels at once.
22)    Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip is brilliant, and as usual, a US show I really like (Invasion, Line of Fire, etc) gets nuked after one season. Bah!
23)    I need a new laptop bag – any suggestions?
24)    Looks like QPR is about to be bought by someone who actually has some money – at last!

London Undergroud seems hell-bent on trying to kill people, the weather seems hell bent on trying to kill people, and my colleagues seem hell bent on trying to kill people (the latter through alcohol poisoning, which is a good way to go). A mixed bag of good things, bad things, and a very boozy night in Brighton this week. All in all another voyage of discovery for the UK’s most controversial IT journalist and media whore:

1) Pownce has the makings of being a very useful application. Thanks to Simon Bisson for the invitation that gave me access to the service.
2) Sales of the iPhone have surpassed all sensible expectations, including my own. The likes of Nokia, Microsoft, Samsung and RIM had better hit the deck and start praying for a miracle, or failing that, just stop building handsets that are shit!
3) Sky offered me a really cheap deal on a second Sky+ box – in true Godfather style it was a deal I couldn’t refuse – surely proof I watch too much TV, or not enough, hence the need for a PVR.
4) I’m upset that Fopp has gone pop. Always used to go to their Edinburgh store when I was in the neighbourhood, and was a big fan of their enormous store on Tottenham Court Road (which they only opened a few months ago), just goes to show that even a kick-arse comedy club isn’t enough to compete against the super-slim margins of the online DVD and music retailers.
5) I’m probably going to have to find another route into work for the next week while Metronet and London Underground un-fuck the Central Line after today’s derailment.
6) If I took one useful thing away from our company outing to Brighton, it’s that I have a pretty good tolerance to the effects of a B52s.
7) If I took a second thing away, its that I probably shouldn’t send email to people after I’ve drunk eight of the things…..and several beers…..and a whiskey sour…..and a bottle of fruit cider……and four glasses of wine…..and two doubles of scotch……and a pint of Tetley’s.
8.) Starting to think about what to buy, what to bring with me and who else to bring with me to the Innocent Village Fete next month.
9) Have seen the running order for Frightfest, not overwhelmed by the majority of the films.
10) I have far too many computers that need reinstalling. Will have to take some time off to get them up to scratch.
11) I’ve inspired someone - cool!
12) Life is like painting a flower with funky reflective paint - just make sure you don’t buy an enormous canvas when the recipient only wanted a small one

OK, so you know things are not going well when I do one of these on a Wednesday. On the plus side, I have not done a TILTW post in over six weeks, mainly because life and work has been pretty good, and busy, for the most part.

Anyway – time for a braindump. This latest crop of bullet points actally span the last three weeks to be honest, but they are more interesting than just the last 72 hours.

1) Comedy shows at Fopp are brilliant!
2) Comedy shows at Fopp are even more brilliant when in the right company
3) Valencia is a really nice place, especially the marina, but it’s a pig to get to and from if you fly from Heathrow.
4) The quality of English used in some of the written journalism I’ve been reading of late is bloody awful, and the author deserves a baseball bat round the head for it.
5) The digitisation of the entire UK speed camera network worries me, not because of the Big Brother implications, but because it raises the chances of the bastards catching me and the Rover……assuming we ever stray over the speed limit, which of course we never do, as that would be illegal.
6) Speaking of Big Brother, the new series starts on Channel 4 a week on Friday. I’m seriously considering emigrating to the Lost island for the duration as it doesn’t appear to be in range of a British TV signal.
7) I really want to go and see the film Fast Food Nation, but hardly any cinemas are showing it……but the Prince Charles Cinema (the cheap one) off Leicester Square will be showing it next week, which is great.
8.) I have plans for Saturday, possibly Sunday, but no idea what to do with Monday.
9) The Tube has already become the hottest, most uncomfortable place on the planet, and it’s only May!
10) The broadband router Sky supplied with my DSL service is still shite!
11) On the plus side, the Virgin cable broadband is still working really well, and so might get a stay of execution.
12) The new Haymarket Hotel is really cool, and the restaurant there is excellent.
13) I was recently described as the Alan Sugar of IT journalism – not sure if that was an insult of a compliment.
14) I am deeply in love with my new Macbook – I might have missed out on the 0.16Ghz speed bump and some extra hard drive space, but it is by far the best computer I have ever owned.
15) Katie on the Apprentice is either a man in drag or she used to be a man before the operation.
16) Liverpool missed out in the European Cup final. I think they need a spell in the Championship to rediscover the art of playing real football again 
17) I hate going to Paris on business.
18) Planning a summer BBQ party, but no idea which date to do it on, and whether I should go for a Saturday or a Sunday – advice please.
19) Some people (by which I mean cantankerous old bastards who seem to live to write snotty complaint emails) shouldn’t be allowed to read business IT news web sites. Or own technology. Or be allowed to waste valuable oxygen by continuing to live.
20) I need a new bag for work!
21) Despite what people might tell you – mojitos, wine, gin & tonics and beer do nit mix well, if my hangover after the Met Bar was anything to go by.

Hey folks, its Friday, it’s lunchtime, and I’m feeling more than a little unhinged, so it’s time for another thrilling installment of…Things I’ve learned this week!

1) In a very odd place this week, neither happy or sad, yet uneasy with the world around me.
2) As of this morning, Sky has not enabled my DSL broadband service.
3) The tossers that delivered my new TV look like they have played football with it, so expecting said TV to be DOA when I get home.
4) This week has been a real grind, loads of people away, coupled with a couple of really slow news days.
5) Press launches can be pointless, tasteless and sleazy all at the same time.
6) My day brightened up significantly around 11am this morning, when a friendly face I’ve been missing came back to the office after three days away!
7) I’m still giggling at just how much free publicity Microsoft has given IT PRO this week
8.) Windows Vista blows.
9) My next car will be either a Prius or a Mustang (preferably a Shelby one), depending on whether I want to save the planet or give it a good kick-in the day I go car shopping.
10) Not spending enough time with some of my friends - beginning to realise I’m losing touch with certain people.
11) Still can’t decide whether the Sidekick 3 is a good thing or a bad thing - need to play with it some more.
12) Hiring all the stuff needed to do a spit roast pig is expensive!
13) I’m only 20 posts away from hitting the 200 mark on Twitter.
14) I need a drink!
15) I also need a holiday, or at least a few days off so I can finish catching up on Desperate Housewives and all the bootlegs of Las Vegas season 4 I’ve just downloaded.

Ok, this post is more a case of things I learned last week, but it’s been a hectic seven days for the IT industry’s most controversial (and according to one reader, dashingly handsome) journalist:

1) My attention has been grabbed by the arrival in the IT PRO office of a giant paperclip and a giant calculator from an as-yet unidentified source (could this be the geek equivalent of sending flowers? If so, keep’em coming!)
2) The Rover 75 will do 120 miles an hour.
3) Sky is set to pull its basic channels from Virgin/NTL/Telewest, which will make keeping my cable TV box pointless as I only had it installed as it was cheaper than installing another Sky box in the house, and would still allow me to get Sky One in my bedroom.
4) Tony Blair is even more of a prat than I thought.
5) Twitter is not only addictive and dangerous, it is also expensive, as my most recent mobile phone bill demonstrates.
6) Trying to plan a holiday is incredibly stressful, especially if you want to do something in August.
7) I’ve signed up for Facebook - not sure why?
8.) My Sky+ box has almost run out of space, so I’m now seriously looking at taking time off work in order to actually watch some of the stuff that I’ve been taping for the last few months.
9) I have started thinking about this summer’s barbecue party.
10) The Slingbox is still one of the best bits of kit I reviewed in 2006, not sure I can part with it now.
11) Words can be powerful things…..

Tune in next time for more unusual thoughts and cryptic messages.

Greetings from the Virgin lounge at San Francisco airport. I’m waiting for my flight home after almost a week here with HP.

This week, I have learned many things:

1) American cars, with the exception of the Mustang, are crap!
2) I really miss the power and comfort of my Rover 75, not to mention its ability to turn corners without understeering into a tree.
3) Twitter remains extremely addictive.
4) Twitter remains extremely dangerous.
5) We need a new blogging platform for the mag, I choose Wordpress, and expect a lengthy and bloody battle ahead.
6) I am always right!
7) Except when I am wrong or annoying
8.) Valentine’s Day sucked this year for several reasons.
9) Blockbuster still hasn’t replied to my letter.
10) Customer service at Virgin Media since the rebrand has actually got worse - I didn’t think it would be physically possible.
11) George at Wal-Mart is better than George at Asda.
12) Pay day can’t come soon enough this month.
13) A server fan can be used as a replacement for an electric motor in a remote control toy car.
14) Two of my friends are not speaking to me this week - a new record.
15) In both cases, I really don’t know what I’ve done (can’t have run over their pets again, not been in the country).

This educational moment has been brought to you by the number 70, the letter A and the colour red. It has also been typed on my Sidekick, so apologies for typos.

1) My car seems to like high-octane petrol a lot more than it does normal unleaded petrol. Looks like my petrol bills will be going up a bit in future.

2) Currently watching Beyond Re-Animator on Zone Horror – it is not a great movie but is better than I remember it to be.

3) Never rely on a certain UK-based web hosting provider to actually do its job properly over the Christmas/New Year period.

4) Telewest’s fault reporting department is a joke. Suffice to say, I’m not impressed by Telewest at the moment.

5) The landline telephone in my house has not worked all day, see above.

6) No matter how much you tidy, the room you are cleaning still looks a mess at the end of it.

7) I’m actually missing work – how sad is that!

BSkyB offers over 480 channels of content, most of it of questionable quality, but a Sky Digital dish still can’t overcome the effects of a heavy rain downpour on the incoming satellite signal.

9) The new series of Desperate Housewives starts this Wednesday

10) So does the new series of Celebrity Big Brother